You know what I hate the most. Random people judging me. Why? Why does a random person have to judge me? Does he or she know me? Have my actions upset him or her? Have I harmed him or her in any way? No. But still, God has bestowed the great duty of being the judge upon the feeble shoulders of this person and it is his/her moral duty to judge me. You know what all you people out there who do that.......You are such a waste of space!!!!
I have had this problem all my life but I have seen the most intense form of it in MBA college. Arnimaal.....oh she has such an attitude. Arnimaal.....oh she is so proud of herself. Arnimaal.....oh she thinks she is a know it all. Arnimaal.....oh she is one bad person!!!! And I'm like...when the hell did I do something to you? And the answer is never because the people who really know me, have worked with me or have interacted with me never say these outrageous things about me. But its the perception that matters. And well, perception is surely not my best friend.
These "judges" are even worst than people who gossip. Purely because those who gossip do it for fun. These guys work out of malice. The following are some of the unique features of these so called "judges"
- They suffer from a distinct lack of anything that even sounds like a social life and their days are spent keeping tabs on what the other person is doing.
- The 'judges' work on the premise of malice and jealousy. Yes I call it jealousy because "if you cant be them, beat them" is their motto in life.
- These judges have an excellent communication network and can be great source of learning for companies on how to communicate effectively and efficiently.
- They always pick out someone who is confident, independent and of course intelligent.
- They hate people who live by their own rules because these poor "judges" never had the guts to do so themselves.
- They can be found in the elitest of crowds and also the most powerful circles. They have a wide network of operations.
- They tend to believe they are the preservers of culture, decency, righteousness etc.
- The people they pick on are always the ones they have never even spoken. These guys are psychic. They feel your vibes and figure out who you are. LOL.....this is amazing. My parents know me since 25 years and still these "judges" know me better than they do.....I love these "judges".
- These "judges" secretly admire the people they judge. That could be the only explanation for spending so much time and effort in spreading hateful propaganda against someone you dont even know!!!!
- Lastly.....these "judges" work wonders for your PR. Suddenly everyone in college knows who you are. I love being judged!!!!!
On a more serious note. This blog is an appeal to each one of you. If you are one of those people I have just described about, wipe your slate clean my friend. You're not helping anyone. Your efforts are not going to stop the person from being the way he or she is. It would be better if you got to know this person better. He or she could be the kind of friend you always wanted. Remember, we live in a free country and have always been taught to be tolerant and good to others. Accept people the way they are and if you cant accept them, ignore them. Dont go about talking things about them which may not be true. It makes you look really cheap. Even cheaper than the person you are spreading nonsense about.
If you are not one of the "judges" I appeal you to not be misled by them when they come and tell you something about anyone. Dont form opinions about someone based on what others tell you. Find out the truth for yourself. Thats what an intelligent person does. Forms his opinions based on his own experience.
Finally, if you are a victim of the "judge" clan, you have my sympathies. I know how it feels, but you know what....dont care about them. You are wonderful the way you are and you should be proud of yourself. Dont ever get disappointed by what these people say about you. Just remember how many friends you have and all that you have accomplished. The rest is actually pretty immaterial and inconsequential
7 comments:
People innately judge you based on random triggers that they associate with certain characteristics. This is built into each of us. As an example, we feel pangs of sympathy for a small child who clings to your clothing begging for money at a Bombay trani station. We make assumptions about the child's life and how miserable it must be begging strangers for money only to hand it over to some man who is running a racket exploiting small children. When we see Bono speaking about helping those less fortunate in the African continent, we either make assumptions about his kind heart or call him pretentious if we're a little more cynical. We judge Hitler and Gandhi even though we know an insignificant about them and their lives.
I think it is also natural for us to gauge the certainty with which we've passed these judgments and we proceed to be more or less confident about acting on these impressions we gather about others. If I see a homeless bum on the streets late at night I will give him a wide berth although the probability that he will mug me is minimal. Just in case.
So generally, we pass judgments on almost everyone we meet or interact with at any level. Now how we act on these judgments is different. Some people like to make their judgments well known to others regardless of how little information was involved in that opinion being generated in their heads. They may also obtain a level of certainty based on the kind of trigger that caused that judgment. For example, a child being spanked by someone who looks like his father would not produce much in the way of negative feelings towards that person. However, a poorly clad child being corporally punished by someone who looks like a 'mama' to do would lead me to opine that the latter is a goonda and a right bastard with a high level of certainty. And I'd be right most of the time. But its the times I am wrong that I magically appear on the other side of the bastard coin.
So what do we do? Some people are more easily influence than others and tend to let their opinions be known more than others. But remember that they would tend to be wrong most of the time if their judgment is not sound. This would devalue their opinions in general and not many would believe them after a point. Their words would then have little to no effect. It is my opinion that the initial phase of human relationships are mostly about clearing misconceptions about oneself and demonstrating the characteristics that make you unique.
As several people have told me before, I come across as a boisterous,arrogant prick on first (and the next few) sight(s). I do not begrudge them. I do not change my behaviour either. If, of cuorse, I want to engage them in a relationship of any kind, I just try and spend more time with them and they quickly realize either that (a) I am NOT a BAP or (b) I am a BAP, but it's alright. If I deem them not worthy of my time (being the arrongant prick I am), I do not care what they think or say about me.
Although just having this attitude doesn't address any of the issues you addressed, it saves you the trouble of despising such things and the frustration it is visibly bringing to thee.
A small addition:
I am obviously applying a version of Hanlon's razor to demonstrate that of the people who indulge in the behaviour you describe, only a small proportion are genuine bastards who cannot cope with people they perceive as better than themselves and slander them to improve their own social standing (relatively speaking, of course).
I know, BREVITY FAIL!
Only 1 thing:the minute someone says "why are ONLY you like this?why are you not like others?"
I give the same reply which my uncle gave before going to spain & becoming a scientist:
"Among 10 fools you will find only 1 intelligent being".
;)Over the years I have known an immense pleasure in not responding & continuing with my plans...crushes people even more to see us sucessful ultimately.....
Ah well, that makes me feel much better!!!! Thanks for the deep insights vig....lol. I wonder how long it took you to type all this. You are right, we are all judgemental at some point in time. This blog was in reference to those professional "judges" whose life revolves around "judging" people to deal with their insecurities!!!!!
"Until Lately, I used to be ultra sensitive about what people thought about me. And now, I am so grounded in the idea that what other people think about me is about THEM, not about me."
I don't know who the author is ..but am yet to find a more powerful way of dealing with Judgments!
name this blog "JUDGING THE JUDGES"
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