The "TAG"

“She shut her eyes tight as her face winced with the memories of the darkest hours of her life. And then there were flashes. Flashes of her standing there in the middle of the deserted street, looking all around for someone....anyone; anyone who could help her as he mercilessly landed blows at her face and stomach. She faintly even recalled shouting for help. But it was all in vain. Then there were flashes of another night. She was sprawled on the bed; he pinned her down with a sturdy grip around her neck and hurled abuses at her. She tried to fight back, clawing at his chest, trying to hurt him with her blunt nails, but all in vain. And then another night where he stood outside the door, banging it till all the neighbors were awake only to tell all of them that the worst day of his life was the day he married this bitch and brought her home. She recalled trying to pull him indoors and get him to sleep his anger off so they could talk about it the next day, but it was all in vain.

No one was going to help her on any of those nights. All she had to do was help herself. Take that one step which could get her out of all that pain and humiliation; once and for all. But how could she take a step like that? It would mean committing social suicide. After all we live in a society; a civilised world where marriages are not some joke and definitely not determined by a piece of stamp-paper signed by two consenting adults. It’s more than that. It’s about adjustments. It’s about sacrifice. It’s about upholding the family honour. And all these things which make marriage more than that lousy scrap of paper are after all a woman’s business. There was no way she could take that step. She was morally obliged not to take that step.”

And you know what that decision to do what is “morally” right cost her? It cost her self-esteem, her confidence and her right to live a life of dignity.....not in the eyes of the society, but the eyes of her husband, her family and most importantly, herself.

Marriage is a big step. It means a lot of things to a lot of people. To some people it’s taking things to the next level. To some people, it’s securing themselves against loneliness in old age. To some people it’s the need to share every experience and emotion of your life with someone who is obliged to witness it and will not mind doing so. To some people it’s just ticking one thing off the checklist of “things you have to do to be a respectable individual”.

But when does this step become bigger than the people who take this step or larger than the motivation behind this big step?

When do strong, independent, aggressive women suddenly become these weak, abused and victimised symbols of helplessness, desperation and self pity?

Is marriage as an institution so big and magnificent that it robs these women of their inherent nature or the right to a better life?

I’ll tell you what the truth is. The truth is that it is not the institution of marriage itself which is larger than life. It’s the attitude that we as a society have towards women who walk out of this institution which forces such women to live with this pathetic, loser-type attitude.

You know what scares the shit out of a woman contemplating leaving her violent and abusive husband.....No; it is not the fear that he will stalk her for the rest of her life. It is also not the fear that the day they get divorced he will try to murder her just for revenge. It is also not the fear of all character assassination he will attempt to do once they go their separate ways. Despite the fact that these are the things she should actually be worried about, the only thing that really scares the hell out of her, believe it or not, is the tag of being a divorcee and the stereotype that goes with it.

There are going to be millions of questions that she will have to answer even though she is not liable to. Not only to her family and friends, but also to the society at large. And don’t think that not asking her questions is going to make her feel better because at the back of her mind, she will always know that the moment you got to know she has been through an unsuccessful marriage, you’ve already stereotyped her. And what exactly is this stereotype? I don’t think I need to spell it out for anyone of you. Ask this question to your own respective conscience and I am sure you will know what the answer is.

It’s this attitude which leaves a woman no choice but to keep living the life of a doormat. A life which could be used to do better things, scale greater heights, spread more cheer, smile more often, laugh without inhibitions and live without fear, insecurity or humiliation. But thanks to the attitude of people like you and me, she lives a miserable life. And till this attitude doesn’t change, there are going to be millions of women like the one in the story above. 

It’s a pity that a woman who should be more concerned about the threat to her life has to worry about how her own family, friends, acquaintances and society at large will treat her if she tries to break all ties with the demon she is married to.