Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Inside the Walled City of My Soul
The Forgone Road
I met faces, met souls, met minds
I saw life in people and people in their lives
I saw friends in strangers and strangers in friends
I saw happiness in sorrows and sorrows in joy
I saw the angel in devils and the devil in angels
And those are the roads I tried to search my 'self' on
But I wasn't there, I was somewhere else
Somewhere where everything had infinite dimensions
Depths beyond the understanding of mortals
Breadth beyond the scope of knowledge acquired in just one life
Length beyond what the eyes can ever see
Thats where I was; hidden, safe and untouched by the world
Like a precious pearl in an oyster, waiting to adorn the neck of a beautiful girl
Or to bejewel someone's finger in a ring that would bond me for eternity
And the road to that place was through those roads I walked long time ago
But those sights are not for me, those roads are not for me
So no longer is there a hope to unite with my 'self'
No longer is there a hope for redemption
No longer is there a hope to adorn the neck of a beautiful woman
Or a hope to bejewel a finger and remain there for eternity.........
The longing for love
In Brindavan
Lost in the hues of pink, red and green
Where he watches with awe-struck gaze
As in one life he lives the lives of so many
Where in saffron and water and turmeric and petals
There are scents of joy and excitement and exhilaration
Where he sings in their songs, he swings in their dance
Where the colors of love from places far away converge into him
And from those very colors he emerges, serene and divine
Where the sweet notes of the flute and the thumping drum celebrate his love
And the voices sing hyms of his innocence
Where the flowers still adorn the path
Where his lover and him walked years ago
And in the silence of the night still walk
In Brindavan where his love is still alive
Where his soul can still be experienced
Where in the smiles of a million people you can see him smile
That is where I found my 'Krishna', that is where I found the elixir of life
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I love being judged
You know what I hate the most. Random people judging me. Why? Why does a random person have to judge me? Does he or she know me? Have my actions upset him or her? Have I harmed him or her in any way? No. But still, God has bestowed the great duty of being the judge upon the feeble shoulders of this person and it is his/her moral duty to judge me. You know what all you people out there who do that.......You are such a waste of space!!!!
I have had this problem all my life but I have seen the most intense form of it in MBA college. Arnimaal.....oh she has such an attitude. Arnimaal.....oh she is so proud of herself. Arnimaal.....oh she thinks she is a know it all. Arnimaal.....oh she is one bad person!!!! And I'm like...when the hell did I do something to you? And the answer is never because the people who really know me, have worked with me or have interacted with me never say these outrageous things about me. But its the perception that matters. And well, perception is surely not my best friend.
These "judges" are even worst than people who gossip. Purely because those who gossip do it for fun. These guys work out of malice. The following are some of the unique features of these so called "judges"
- They suffer from a distinct lack of anything that even sounds like a social life and their days are spent keeping tabs on what the other person is doing.
- The 'judges' work on the premise of malice and jealousy. Yes I call it jealousy because "if you cant be them, beat them" is their motto in life.
- These judges have an excellent communication network and can be great source of learning for companies on how to communicate effectively and efficiently.
- They always pick out someone who is confident, independent and of course intelligent.
- They hate people who live by their own rules because these poor "judges" never had the guts to do so themselves.
- They can be found in the elitest of crowds and also the most powerful circles. They have a wide network of operations.
- They tend to believe they are the preservers of culture, decency, righteousness etc.
- The people they pick on are always the ones they have never even spoken. These guys are psychic. They feel your vibes and figure out who you are. LOL.....this is amazing. My parents know me since 25 years and still these "judges" know me better than they do.....I love these "judges".
- These "judges" secretly admire the people they judge. That could be the only explanation for spending so much time and effort in spreading hateful propaganda against someone you dont even know!!!!
- Lastly.....these "judges" work wonders for your PR. Suddenly everyone in college knows who you are. I love being judged!!!!!
On a more serious note. This blog is an appeal to each one of you. If you are one of those people I have just described about, wipe your slate clean my friend. You're not helping anyone. Your efforts are not going to stop the person from being the way he or she is. It would be better if you got to know this person better. He or she could be the kind of friend you always wanted. Remember, we live in a free country and have always been taught to be tolerant and good to others. Accept people the way they are and if you cant accept them, ignore them. Dont go about talking things about them which may not be true. It makes you look really cheap. Even cheaper than the person you are spreading nonsense about.
If you are not one of the "judges" I appeal you to not be misled by them when they come and tell you something about anyone. Dont form opinions about someone based on what others tell you. Find out the truth for yourself. Thats what an intelligent person does. Forms his opinions based on his own experience.
Finally, if you are a victim of the "judge" clan, you have my sympathies. I know how it feels, but you know what....dont care about them. You are wonderful the way you are and you should be proud of yourself. Dont ever get disappointed by what these people say about you. Just remember how many friends you have and all that you have accomplished. The rest is actually pretty immaterial and inconsequential
The Gift
My oldest memories
My favourite hot spot was the tiny wondow that overlooked an extremely busy street. If mom had to get me to stop crying or eat portions of horrible tasting 'cerelac', that was one spot in the house where all this could be done effortlessly. I loved looking out the window and wondering why all these people were doing what they were doing. The ragged man smoking a bidi in a corner would catch my attention or a little child running behind a cycle tyre with a stick, rolloing it along would make me smile and make those weird baby noises. But the one thing that made the window most interesting was the big elephant that walked down the street every afternoon at 3. By some baby intelligence, I always seemed to know the moment when the elephant would walk past, as if there was an alarm clock in my body telling me it was time. At the same moment every day I would look at my mother with hope that she will pick me up and carry me to my little window. If the look wasnt sufficient, I would begin waving my arms and making those silly baby noises. If that too failed to communicate the message, I would start crying.
I must admit we are much more intelligent and manipulative as babies, and whoever said that children are innocent has got to be really unaware of his own intelligence as a child. The only difference between children and adults is that children manipulate for immaterialistic gains while the adults' end-goal is of a more materialistic, worldly nature.
Anyway, so I would finally get my way and mom would take me to the window to hush me. And there it would be.....walking down the road with grandeur befitting a King. He would move his head and swing his trunk as if enjoying his daily afternoon walk. Throwing a banana at it was something mom taught me. That was the first lesson in general knowledge. What is the elephant's favourite food? Bingo....Banana. Now when I think about it, I realize one more thing which most of us dont. Knowledge comes from the smallest things we encounter in life. We learn from everything that happens around us, but we just dont realise it. We feel all our learning has come from the schooling and higher education we have, but the fact is that life teaches us much more than what those books can. The problem is that we are so ignorant towards life's virtue of being a teacher that we rarely learn from our lives.
When I was a year old, we moved to Pune, another wonderful city known for its cultural richness and quality education. I have many wonderful memories of Pune where I spent almost 13 years of my life. First time I made friends, went to school, learnt how to ride a bicycle and so many other things. Once in a while, we would go and visit my parents' families in Srinagar. I immensely enjoyed those trips and was very fond of outings into the forests and mountains of Kashmir. I have blurred memories of my maternal and paternal grandparents' houses. The one most deeply etched in my memory is my maternal grandfather's beautiful house and the garden around it. There was a grand wooden staircase that I remember and the sprinklers in the garden where I would play in the water for hours together. I was particularly fond of flowers and used to compare different flowers to animals. There was this purple flower I remember which I used to call the 'dog flower' because it could be opened and closed to resemble a barking dog's mouth. If you stretched your hand out of the window, you could pluck a pear or an apple from the trees. It remains to date my most cherished oldest memory.
Sometimes when I think about all those small things I remember, I envy my parents. While I have my little elephant, ragged men and busy streets to remember, they have memories of lakes, gardens, snow, trees, mountains, valleys and much more enthralling views. They spent their entire childhood in the lap of nature's beauty while I spent mine in steel and concrete.