It’s an
unusually long night. In the distance, from the open window, I watch as planes
land into the city. There’s a weird sense of loneliness in the air tonight. The
folks at the metrological department have predicted it’s going to rain
tomorrow, but I don’t think that’s the case. It’s just stuffy; and suffocating
and uncomfortable. Pretty much like the weather inside my heart right now;
stuffy and suffocating. The clouds inside my heart want to burst and wash away
the discomfort. In the form of tears, they want to flow from my eyes and rid
them of the urge to give in by finally letting them do so. Pretty much like the clouds in the humid night
sky which want to burst and wash all the stuffiness away with them. But it
doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.
My heart feels
heavy. Like someone left a huge rock in there. It’s amazing how vacuum which is
supposed to be weightless is not the same when it exists inside the heart. In
there, it leaves behind this feeling of being trapped under tons of rubble like
an earthquake victim would experience. To think about it, the events that
unfolded in the last few months are nothing short of an earthquake. Its funny
how we humans, who have built concrete jungles and structures which have withstood
the winds of time, are capable of giving another human being the power to
literally pull away the earth from beneath our feet.
It’s a humbling
experience. We are not the masters of our destiny that our accomplishments
falsely lead us to believe. We are just humans; mere humans, who are
pre-programmed to trust, have faith, believe, love, worry, betray, abuse, take
for granted and hurt each other. And we don’t learn or change or mend ways.
Even after experiences of being burnt, we are happy to be foolishly optimistic
and walk towards the next source of light in the hope that it will bring the
desired brightness to our lives. We don’t realise that what beckons is a ball
of fire which might bring a lot of brightness to life, but will also leave us
with burnt fingers, a scorched soul and a very heavy heart. We just don’t
learn, but keep moving on with renewed faith in life and its ability to lead us
to happy endings. The only hitch is that those happy endings don’t exist in the
real world.
In the real
world, life is lived somewhere between heaven and hell. What gives us the most
happiness also gives us the deepest of sorrows. The very thing that makes life
look so beautiful is also what makes it miserable. Everything is two sides of
the same coin. Everything in this world is a dichotomy.
Blessed are those who
find the resolve to detach and attach at will. They are the real rulers of the
world. They are the true masters of their own destiny. They are independent in
the true sense of the word. Their sadness and happiness is not reliant on
another human’s emotion driven behaviour. Such people keep other people at an
arm’s length. They seem to have found the secret answer to the question that
all the others seem to be struggling to find.
How close is close enough? That
one question which is the key to all the miseries we lesser mortals suffer
every time we get close to someone. How close should one get to the light in
order to get the brightness from it without getting burnt? What is the distance
from the sun which gives Earth the ideal temperature for sustaining life on it
and not suffering the fate of a very hot Mercury or an extraordinarily cold Pluto?
This one
question can transform the lives of many other miserable people out there who
like me at this moment are wondering when they let another person peek so deep
into them that he or she ended up controlling their smiles and their tears.
I’ve already embarked on my journey to unravel this mystery. When do you plan
to begin?
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