She's the Man

This one is another write up in the series of sexist stuff I like to write once in a while. The only thing being none of these write ups are actually sexist. Most of them are just an appeal to the audience to treat gender difference as nothing but a mere difference in a couple of organs and the resultant differences in hormonal structuring.

So this time, I want to talk about why someone is branded as feminine or not feminine. Mind you, it’s an important question and most of us have our own view of what the answer to this looks like, but this is just an attempt to put my perspective on the table for some of you who may have never thought about this in much detail; just like some of you might have never thought about what makes a certain retail outlet an A class or a B class outlet. Nevertheless, when asked in a boardroom or when asked to identify one in the market, you tend to automatically be able to differentiate one from another. That’s instinct and instinct is rarely a conscious and thought out decision; it’s mostly subconscious.

To begin with, I want to admit, that all my life I was branded an utter and complete tomboy. The most commonly cited reasons are the following: 

1. I like beer more than I like vodka, wine, bourbon or gin (this is purposely on top of the list) 
2. I can buy a pair of jeans in less than 10 minutes and this includes trial time (provided I find my size) 
3. I’ve driven a truck, car and a bike and I loved every experience and wouldn’t mind doing it again 
4. I don’t care whether guys wear a half sleeves shirt or a full sleeves shirt or a no sleeves shirt as long as the guy knows the difference between ‘berry’ and ‘bury’ is only the spelling and the meaning and also realizes that Jammu is not the same as Kashmir and Kashmir is not the same as Ladakh even if they’re in the same state 
5. I don’t mind wearing keds or flats on a date where I know I am going to be standing all evening 
6. I don’t know how to cross my legs and sit, and frankly speaking, I HATE doing it
7. I cannot say how pretty someone looks if I think she looks like a log of wood
8. I cannot survive conversations around clothes, shoes and bags and which kind complement each other beyond 10 minutes….OK…20 minutes TOPS
9. I work because I love my job and not because it is important for a woman to be independent and make money   
10. I like camping, trekking, swimming, parasailing, snorkeling and have played marbles, gully cricket and hockey as a kid. I was also a goal-keeper at one point of time and I don’t think its social suicide to wear the goalie’s gear!!! 
11. The thinnest my waist has ever been is 30-32 inches and it has never given me sleepless nights nor made me feel like Goliath 
12. I can swear in 5 different languages and it doesn’t matter whether the recipient is a man or a woman (this is at the bottom of the list on purpose) 

This list of course is not exhaustive. It goes much beyond this, but these are the most commonly cited reasons for being branded a Tomboy for life. However, I object. I object to being stereotyped. I’ve spent a quarter of my life accepting and believing that I am a tomboy. I am not. I am just Arnimaal. A girl who does all those things mentioned in the list above and much more, but is still a female as per the scientific definition of what a female is. I don’t care what attitudes and behaviors are commonly found in women because those are nothing but generalizations and I don’t think it is wise or scientific to generalize or stereotype anyone.

Attitudes and behaviors are an accumulation of experience, environmental factors and exposure. How can they be the same for all? These things vary depending on permutations and combinations of genetics, cultural background, parental influences, peer-group influences, social awareness, self-awareness and so many other factors. Even two siblings living in the same house are never the same, then how can one expect two humans of the same gender to be the same just on the premise of having the same hormonal structure? I said, I object. Not that my objection matters or is of any consequence when it comes to your perception, attitude or opinion of me. But I just want to say it out loud that I object!

And I know there are quite a few women out there who would also object to this generalization that we’re subjected to all the time. Just like there are quite a few men who would like to object to what is generally assumed to be “manly”. It’s not fair. I have a good friend who is not what you would call your typical man, and the next thing you hear is everyone doubting his sexuality. That is so wrong. I know him pretty well and I know for a fact that he’s not homosexual, but sometimes it really pisses me off when people look at him with that expression “Oh I know….you’re gay”. Hello people. He’s not. He’s just himself; just like I am Arnimaal.

It’s ridiculous how sometimes we make life too easy for ourselves and just shut our brains up because it is so much easier to be stupid and happy than to be a thinker and frustrated. Ignorance is bliss they say, but for some of us, ignorance is simply not a choice. 

I would like to believe for most of us ignorance is not a choice, but going by the number of people who continue to use ‘tomboy’ for women like me and ‘gay’ for men who like pink, I guess it’s mostly a choice.